And I just can't imagine why?
I just love the thrill of getting up for work in the morning, knowing that I am going to spend ages in a traffic jam! But I just smile, safe in the knowlege that when I get to work, I have 8 hours of unbelievable stress and pressure, because my employer never replaced the last 3 people that left the company. He of course always looks after me by giving me a massive 3% annual increase! 3% of bugger all, is bugger all! but do I mind? No, of course not! I'm just happy in the knowledge that I'm helping him to maintain his lifestyle. After all, it must cost him a fortune to insure that brand new Porche 911 of his! It must be a big worry for him.
Totaly drained both physically and mentaly, I clock off, and excitedly look forward to the challenge of getting home before I have to get up for work again. What a great day!
After my dinner, I just love to relax and get wound up, by sitting and listening to the news on TV, and reading the papers. Page after page of doom and gloom, and I always look forward to seeing just how the Government are going to screw me next! (you must remember that someone has to pay for the countrys failures) after all it's not their fault is it!
But my hero has to be Gordon Brown!
What a man!
He wakes up in the morning and must think "I wonder how I can screw those poor bastards today" and all due credit to him, he always comes up with something new! What a man, and what an example to us all!
Oh, and don't worry Gordon. I'll be voting for you at the next General Election, cos to be honest, I don't think I could get through the day being happy about things anymore.
So, the week-end is here, and I think I'll put my time to good use by improving and re-decorating my property. After all, I must make sure its impressive for when the man from the council comes round to value my house for the new community charge. What would he think of me if it wasn't just so!
My community charge will probably double, but do I mind? No, of course not! After all, someone has to pay extra to help all those poor people claiming benefit. What a crap life they must have! Sitting at home all day, watching TV, eating takeaways, and down the pub most evenings, smoking 60 a day, and feeling guilty because they're not working! Where's the fun in that, when you can go to work for less, and worry yourself sick, wondering how you can pay your bills and new stealth taxes? No contest! Work for me, every time!
I'm just so glad I can help these poor people!
But wait! There is light at the end of the tunnel!
I retire in 7 years time!
Now that will bring new challenges!
By then, both our state pensions will probably just about cover our community charge, so all we have to worry about now is how we pay our tax and utility bills. I know! I took out a small pension in the 70's, so with a bit of luck, that will cover that one. Now all we have to do is worry about feeding ourselves, but if the worse comes to the worse, we can always go down to the DWP (formerly the DHSS) to see if they can help us. After all, we've both worked and paid full contributions for the past 50 years, so they're bound to help aren't they.
What's that Mr DWP ? You can't help us because we don't qualify?
We have too much money coming in? Well yes, but it does all goes out again! That's not your concern Mr DWP? You still can't help?
Have you any helpful suggestions then Mr DWP ? Why didn't we think of that! Of course! We'll sell all of our wordly posessions! Problem solved!
After all, after both working hard for 50 years, and claiming one weeks dole money in 1972, why should we expect a free ride? I now feel so selfish and ashamed of myself! I've now seen the error of my ways!
Anyway, what do we need with treasured sentimental gifts to each other! After all, all they are, are fond memories of a lifetime together! And what's that, compared to keeping our beloved benefit system going! No contest is there! We're English, and only too pleased to tighten our belts yet another notch, and do our bit for the country that rewards hard work!
So, we are now sitting in our home, with a TV (I'm so sorry, I know that's extravagant!) with two chairs in the front room, and a bed upstairs (the house seems to have an echo now!)
We are both in our seventies now, and our food money is running out fast!
Should we go back down to the DWP ?
No, best not to, as they are probably far too busy looking after more deserving people, like new asylum seekers, new immigrants from all 4 corners of the world, un-married mothers with 10 kids, and of course the professional benefit scroungers. They are far more deserving than we are.
We'll just have to sell the house that we've worked hard for all our lives..............................
But surely that's no reason to leave good old Blighty?
The government puts the mass exodus down to the fact the escapees want to live in a warmer climate.
The stupid bastards..............
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